Empty?

The bottle was empty. I looked at it again, just to be sure, but there was no mistaking it. The bottle was quite empty. I don't remember how it began, or at what pivotal moment it was crucial we conserve what was left of the bottle, but either way, the end was the same. The bottle was now empty. It put everything in perspective, seeing that empty bottle, for what did it matter that we had survived this long, or that we had salvaged what we had from the wreckage, for now, right now, this very minute... the bottle was empty.

We had a small amount of bills of varying american currency, some seats and chairs, a few laptops and other equipment that required an outlet of some sort, plenty of clothes, life jackets, and a very large assortment of metal pieces and parts that may someday be able to be used to our advantage. But all of that was moot- for our bottle was empty. Of all the vast treasures known to man, all of it was of no use to us. We could think, ponder, reflect, and bargain, but no matter how the dice were cast, our bottle, our precious bottle, was empty.

Everything is worthless. Nothing matters. Nothing has any impact on life. There is nothing that really should bring joy, nothing that can impact any decision we might make. What once brought happiness to many is now a reminder of what used to be, or what will never again be. The world is empty, because our bottle is empty. All will be lost soon, because with an empty bottle, we will soon be starved of that what our bodies need most, the sweet nectar of life, water.

Perspective granted unto thee, the reader. What matters to you?

The Dark Side

The Dark Side. More often then not, this term is in reference to the 'evil' characters from the great series known as 'Star Wars'. In more general terms, it has become more and more well known as a simple term for evil, or anything that could be viewed as abnormal. Hatred, anger, sorrow, loneliness, regret, fear, shallow thoughts, mean actions, being devoid of feeling- these are all traits commonly associated with those traveling along the 'dark side'. You all instantly think of someone when you hear the phrase, whether they are real or imaginary... but what none of you may think about is what it is that might cause such feelings in a person. It is often said that 'nobody wakes up wanting evil', where the word 'evil' could be substituted with any myriad of words. While that may or may not be true, I believe it could be said that most people desire better things in life then to be 'evil'.

So what then, drive people to be what they are, be it 'good' or 'evil'? It can't be their own natural tendencies and desires, because very few people can be said to 'desire' to be 'evil'. It must then be something that is external to the individual. The first thing to come to mind is their environment, that is to say, their surroundings, the various inputs they are susceptible to on a daily basis. If all they ever hear is love, peace, joy, sharing, caring, and other such feelings and thoughts of 'good', then that is very well what they shall strive to be, as that is the only normal their brain will recognize. But if they are exposed to thoughts of betrayal, hatred, anger, fear, lust,  self loathing, despair, then those are more then likely the thoughts that the brain is likely to latch onto. Ones worst enemy is more oft then not, ones own brain and consciousness. 

But even worse, in my opinion, is the individuals who are bred to think one way, to the exclusion of all else, only to have their world come crashing down upon them when they suddenly realize that there is so much more then what they have previously perceived to be true. For example, a student of the 'light' may think that all that exists is peace and joy and happiness, only to discover rather abruptly one day that their is a plethora of emotions that he has only barely begun to grasp. If the sudden inrush of knowledge doesn't overtake him, he is likely to be all the more curious about these new found emotions and be all the more wiling to embrace is unknowing demise.

But my point in all of this is, simply put, what drives the 'darkness' to be evident in the 'dark sided' people?

Pumpkin Pie

Pumpkin pie. Some say delicious, some say it's mediocre, some say its okay at best.... but either way, delicious or not, while it spends time in the fridge, over time, it becomes bad. Bad. What causes things to degrade over time? Why does milk churn? Why does mold grow? What is the difference between milk and sour milk? The answer, simply put, is time. Time changes things. It changes everything.  Nothing is safe. Many think that what they used to know is still as it was, but without constant contact, one can not simply know what is current and what is simply an image of the past. What can cause this change can be anything. A simple message can cause a series of events that sets in motion changes unforeseen by any making the choice. Be cautious of your decisions, for they may change even the most solid of your friends. What monsters have you created, knowledgeably?

Reminiscent Memories

That cute kid in the back of your English class. That set of china that you don't let your kids use. That one stuffed animal that brings you mixed feelings of hatred and betrayal, whilst also providing you with an overwhelming sense of love and admiration. A sight. A thought. A phrase. The smell of soft pretzels in the mall. The feeling of sunshine burning your skin as you walk alone across the sandy beach. Memories.

Nearly every single thing in this life either is the formation of a new memory, or has already been the formation of a memory. Look around you, chances are every single thing you see will have some sort of memory associated with it. It might be memories of places, people, objects, but the memories are there. Some memories are dull and boring. Looking at my printer, as it sits atop the shelf by my TV, I recall my first printer, that was purchased at the request of a pretty girl, and never worked a day in its life for me. It is a passive memory, to be sure. Slightly to its right, I have my prized Nerf Battle Axe, and my heart has no choice but to smile, as I think of the many battles I've had with that Axe by my side.

Why are memories so important? Maybe they aren't. Memories are tied closely to emotions. Emotions make and break the strongest of people. Good memories bring joy and tears, bad memories can bring pain and tears. Memories, memories, memories. Memories have the power to alter your perspectives! One day, you may treasure an object because of the memories you have, and then the next day, that same item may become a thorn in your side, a symbol of pure hatred to your eyes. Memories can be grand things, especially when they bring you emotions that are joyous... however, bad memories are enough to raise vomit in your mouth. The pain, the suffering... bad memories cause us 10 times as many tears of pain as a good memory can ever cause tears of joy. Remembering the past is hard. Far better for me, to look to the future.
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I feel like I have a myriad of thoughts here, but haven't been able to gather them into a pattern I like... so I'm just submitting this as is. It's choppy and fragmenty. *shrugs*

Tradition: Maker and Breaker

Tradition! The word rolls of my lips, seemingly lifeless, and yet brimming with power. What does it mean? Dictionary.com brings across the idea of passing down beliefs, statements, customs, legends, practices, or information from generation to generation. A customary method or manner, a long-established way of thinking or acting. It is what was always done for no reason other then it was always done. On the surface it seems empty. Pointless. Why do something just because it was done that way in the past? Are we not creatures of logic?

And then we turn to the source of power behind this word. Tradition. The smell of freshly cooked egg burritos on Christmas morning. The feeling of the first snowball slowly forming into a snowman. Buying a flimsy tree with Charlie Brown. Going to that one park to look at the sunset like you did with that special someone.  It could come in the form of a 25 cent piece of candy, or a 250 dollar TV. A frozen pizza, or a brand new car. Tradition can come in every form imaginable, depending on the individual. So what is the common factor? Memories. Doing what was always done, because it was always done that way, is a way we can connect with the past. It puts us back in the arms of loved ones to walk alone a path that was once walked together. It is a form of bonding when one shares the same experiences with others year after year.

I don't think anyone will argue that traditions in the above sense is bad. But what when we are ripped away from such things? When what is the normal, becomes painful? When the sunset becomes stained with memories of what once was, but is no longer? When loneliness sweeps in like the wind and poisons our new experiences with want for the old? Traditions that once made memories, no break us. We watch the sunset over the lake of old, but now we lack the warmth that made the memory special.

Tradition. Maker and Breaker.

Walls: Defense or Destruction?

Do walls help? Do they hurt? Are they meant for keeping things in, or keeping things out? Do all walls have gates? If a wall has a gate, will it be able to serve its purpose?

Walls. If you never ever let anything get around your defenses, then you will be safe. Or will you be? Is it safe to be inside your walls, with noone to keep you sane, save yourself? Is it possible to prevent anything from entering your haven? With physical walls, perhaps not. With mental walls though, anything is possible. There is always those who are able to penetrate even the highest defenses you throw up however. I think the only real way to ensure victory, is to also mitigate access with others. Create a barrier between your wall and others. Otherwise, even the tallest wall has a chance of being scaled.

On the flip side, if you allow everything to enter your realm, you are destined to have much more fun and pleasure-for a time. For while a wall blocks all, so does a lack of wall allow all. You will be open to all, and this includes pain. Every time you allow something in, it will bring pain. It seems to be a part of the curse of human nature. The saying 'no pain, no gain' comes to mind. While seemingly just a false bravado, the saying seems to hold much more relevance here. If I seek to gain anything from a lack of defense, I will also be subject to pain. Maybe it's worth it. Maybe not. I know nothing worse then losing what you hold dear. And yet, it happens again and again.

So what then? Should I isolate myself from all of humanity? I am obviously the problem. I am the common denominator, and as such, the weakest link. I play the part, but do I fit the role? Apparently not.

Building walls. Unlike physical walls, it is much easier to build mental walls then to tear them down. the stronger the mind, the stronger the wall, and the faster it will be rebuilt. I have lived my life as of yet with no defenses. How much more pain can I take? I do what is right, always striving to hear God's word in all I do. But I need to build. build. build. I need a wall. To let know one in. Safety. Whoever it was that said 'It is far better to love and to lose, then to never have loved before.' was probably someone who has never loved before. Because it is far worse to lose then to have never known. I now wish to possess that which I used to think a waste. Irony.

Who am I?

Me. A name. I call myself. Who am I? It is the question of the ages. Everyone desires to know who they are, what they like, what they hate, why they do what they do, why they feel what they feel, but who truly knows the answers? Everyone is different. What makes us the way we are?

I think this question is hard to answer, partially because we are always changing, but also, because deep down, we are afraid of the truth. What if we aren't who we think we are, aren't who we want to be? So then, what defines us? It is our past that defines us! What happens to us one day, changes us for the next. What someone says to us, what we dream, what we see on TV, what we say to others, even what we ate for breakfast... it all plays a part. Nobody has the same experiences, therefore, nobody is the same.

Then, there is the fact that because everyone is different, everyone's perspectives are also different. I can answer who I see myself as, but that will not be how you, or my best friend, or my parents see me as. I tend to be critical of myself, while others might not be so harsh towards me, or themselves. All I can offer, to the reader, is my personal answer to the age long question: Who am I?

I am Ben. I am the class clown, the kings best joker. I climb the highest, so I fall the furthest, I am a misfit among misfits, the pedestal of men, I am the knight in shining armour, but the inside is rusty. I am the loner in the crowd, the wild lunatic at home, I am the playdough you mold, only I never get hard. I'm an elevator, always lifting, and yet always underfoot, I'm the back of the poster, the fish out of water. I'm sweet, I'm clever, I'm pleasant, and kind. I am the the burnt out candle, the wax with no wick. I am Ben.

Now, I ask you... what is your perspective?